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What can we say, our faith in the England cricket squad is truly restored and the South Africans have been been put in their place. Yeah, we let them get away with it for a while, our shambolic attempts may have given a false sense of security but it is over - for now at least!

And indeed, Stuart Broad is the saviour of English reputations. The Nottinghamshire lad has come up trumps giving the performance of his career in the Second ODI against South Africa at Trent Bridge. It was all pats on the back from skipper Kevin Pietersen but words of caution not to get carried away in the five match series. He said:

"I’m not going to stand here …

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Remember the days when everybody loved Tom Cruise? Okay it was long long before he started loving the aliens and life on Planet Zarg. But in recent times Tom is becoming a right pain in the backside.

His recently beleaguered film Valkyrie is in hot water yet again. It’s not been short on the controversy and the latest hitch is the German extras suing old God Squad himself. This comes close to the back of reports that the film has been pushed back to December because noone wants to see a story about Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, who attempted to assassinate Hitler. Or basically Tom playing a Nazi with an eye patch.

Well we reckon that bit sounds okay, Philistines! Anyway …

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It’s music to our ears when we hear that Hollywood hotties want to get naked just for the love of it - and to appease us lusty lads. Exotic eye candy Eva Mendes is up in arms, legs, the lot! Why? Because she’s sick to her hind teeth of being censored everytime she shows a bit of skin!

The skin in question is her dusky tones rolling around on a bed in the latest Calvin Klein perfume ad. The Hitch star let rip criticising the conservative US audiences and censors for cutting the raunchy bits, whilst being happy with TV and film violence. Good lass we say, here here and all that!

The feisty actress said:

"I’m completely American, I was born and …

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Blimey is Jennifer Aniston unlucky in love or what? One minute it’s all roses and loved up public displays of affection, the next its Splittsville. But from the sounds of it her recent relationship with singer John Mayer looks like a lucky escape!

Now we’re not being funny, Jen’s no Angelina but she’s still totally hot and we at Beat UK most certainly would kick her out of bed or anywhere else for that matter.

We wouldn’t do what the juvenile (aye we admit he looks about ten in that photo, what were you thinking Jen?!!) Mister Mayer has been doing, that’s for sure. But then how would you feel if your older, rather hot and somewhat wealthy, film star …

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X-Factor is back for much the same as last year, and the year before that.  Tomorrow we can look forward to the mentally ill, care in the community types, much folding of arms and not at all scripted sighs and putdowns from Simon Cowell, tales of backstage bitching, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole giving each other daggers and the Irish dwarf sat at the end not doing much.

Oh and let’s not forget the obligatory sob stories and this year the producers really have pulled out all the stops for the ultimate cringe factor. Cue the 16 year old hopeful from Bridgend sent by the tourist board to do “something positive for the town” her words not ours. Then we have …

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Beat’s favourite fruit based celebrity has done it again.  Just weeks after a bit of an OD, or bad trip, or competitive dieting feinting Peaches Geldof has gone and got herself hitched.

Peaches married in cream and Max Drummey from indie band Chester French, her rocker boyfriend of four weeks in what looked like a charity shop shirt and H&M sunglsasses. It was a ‘low key affair’ in the romantic setting of the Little White Chapel in Vegas. If the marriage lasts as long as the whirlwind romance then Beat will eat Bob Geldof’s plimsolls.

Unsurprisingly Bob wasn’t at the “low-key ceremony” but according to the obligatory spokesman, “Their marriage has the full support of their family and friends.”

It gets better; he …

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England have named their team for Kevin Pietersen’s first match as captain – and there’s a shock in the line-up. Want to guess? Think bowling. Who’s the last bowler you’d expect to see dropped from the side? The most consistent, most impressive England bowler of the last year? Yep, that’s right - Pietersen’s only gone and left Ryan Sidebottom out of the team! No-one expected the shaggy-haired seamer to be the first victim of the new era, but there you go; Sidebottom is out, Steve Harmison and Stuart Broad are back in. It seems as if pace will be the order of the day when the Test gets under way at Surrey’s Oval on Thursday.

The Michael Vaughan-shaped hole at No.3 …

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I´ve just unearthed the bet of the year at this week´s PGA Championship (it´s my 1,523rd bet of the year). Bodog have listed our mate Hunter “Hurricane” Mahan in a 72 hole match bet with former Aussie outback farmer Stuart Appleby.

Hunter did us a nice favour at last month´s Open Championship when he slayed Argentinian beast Angel Cabrera to bring home the booty and we urge you to follow the American again.

Not a lot of people know that Mahan finished runner up at Oakland Hills (this week´s venue) in the 2002 US Amateur Championship. With course knowledge like that it makes his odds of 20/23 look very tidy indeed. Appleby is a top player and is in decent form having made …

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You can tell just what kind of shape English cricket is in when the two most plausible candidates to replace Michael Vaughan as skipper are two South African ringers - Kevin Pietersen and Andrew Strauss.

As a general rule of thumb you can gauge how badly a nation has been performing when it reaches for a foreigner to lead them out of the darkness.

Take football for instance. Following the debacle of Steve McLaren our magnificent FA has turned to Italian Fabio Capello to take the nation to untold glory at the 2010 World Cup.

But to hear Capello moaning about the percentage English players to choose from in the Premiership it´s peasy to work out what he privately thinks about …

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Sienna Miller’s new man, the Brothers and Sisters star, heir to billionaire fortune and generally married bloke Balthazar Getty has realised the grass isn’t always greener and kicked her into touch in a bid to win his missus back. Didn’t see that one coming did we eh?

Just to bring you up to speed – back in May Sienna decided she was due for an upgrade and dumped Primrose Hill’s resident tramp and sometime actor Rhys Ifans.   Rumours immediately surfaced of an affair between Miller and ex beau Matthew Rhys but this was simply a smoke screen – or maybe it was an interim project, who knows?

However it was in fact his mate Balthazar Getty who she was making the beast …

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