Didier: Noone's Going Anywhere!
Two days to go – well, a day and a bit, then – until the Champions League Final, and none of the talk is about Man Utd versus Chelsea. Instead, it's about Didier Drogba leaving (or staying), Cristiano Ronaldo leaving (or staying), and Frank Lampard…. yep, you've guessed it, leaving (or staying). The world's gone mad.
First up, that cheeky Drogba. He's a hell of a tease – he couldn't be toying with Chelsea fans more if we stuck on a tight leather miniskirt, daubed his chops in scarlet lipstick and teetered off down the road in the highest heels imaginable. First he's quitting Chelsea, now he might he staying. "It's up me and I will take my time," he flirted. "My family and I are fine in London, and I have just bought a nice house here."
Next is Ronaldo. Predictably, those crazy big-spending Spaniards Real Madrid have been eyeing him up for some time, but the Player of the Year is going nowhere according to important suit David Gill. "We're keeping him," said the chief exec. "He's going nowhere. He's at a great club, winning trophies, and he enjoys it immensely here, so why would he want to leave?" It's not for us to tell you, Dave, but at a guess it'd be for more money, Real's nice white kit, and 24/7 sunshine.
And finally, last but not least, we have Lampard. He's off to Inter Milan. Say Inter Milan. But not his agent, a fella called Steve Kutner. "I don't know why Inter would think this," shrugged the agent. "Nobody has talked to me about it and if there was something on, I'm sure I'd know."
So, it's official. Drogba – leaving but perhaps staying. Ronaldo – staying but maybe leaving. Lampard – take your pick. Confused? We are. Let's just get to the bloody football, eh?
Go on son, we reckon there's a job for Drogba as director of the School For Footy Scoundrels. Put your money on Champions League shenanigans now! Check out Bodog's Champions League odds.
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