X-Factor Is Back - Cue The Dog With Two Dicks!
X-Factor is back for much the same as last year, and the year before that. Tomorrow we can look forward to the mentally ill, care in the community types, much folding of arms and not at all scripted sighs and putdowns from Simon Cowell, tales of backstage bitching, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole giving each other daggers and the Irish dwarf sat at the end not doing much.
Oh and let's not forget the obligatory sob stories and this year the producers really have pulled out all the stops for the ultimate cringe factor. Cue the 16 year old hopeful from Bridgend sent by the tourist board to do "something positive for the town" her words not ours. Then we have the 26 year old ex jail bird mother of five, who popped first her sprog at 13 (3 of the 5 kids are still in care) before turning to drugs and crime, she'll be singing Amy Winehouse's "No Good". It's thought she stumbled upon the auditions whilst looking for the Jeremy Kyle set. To be frank though readers the early stages of X-Factor is a guilty pleasure at Beat Towers, before they go and ruin it all by getting all serious and actually trying to manufacture a one hit wonder.
Of course there's also the manufactured rivalry between the judges which this year focuses on the plastic Dannii Minogue and new girl on the block Chezza Tweedy Cole. In true X-Factor "dog with bone" tradition this rivalry has been rinsed to within an inch of its life during the pre-publicity build up. The first show hasn't even aired and 'Dannii v Chezza' is already as stale as the half eaten sarnie Beat has just found in the fridge.
Dannii was last year's triumphant judge and when asked if she can guide a contestant to victory again, the botox bunny replied: "Ab-so-lutely!" We wait with bated breath.
Which reminds us what ever happen to last year's winner? What's his name, you know…thingey ma bob …you know, the one that made Kylie look like a giant on last years show…the teeney Scottish fella. Anyhow name isn't important, apparently according to Miss Minogue, "Leon (That's the fella) is in the studio recording songs for his debut album. His voice has developed so much - his fans will be blown away." i.e. his Mum and Gran are going to be made up and can finally look forward to paying off that phone bill from all the voting last year, providing he actually sells a copy that is.
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