Pete Doherty Is An Alien
Beat's favourite crack addled pseudo poet and sometimes musician will soon be rubbing shoulders with Tom Cruise and John Travolta as they discuss their alien ancestors.
It appears potty Pete has sucked on one too many crack pipes as its revealed he's rather fond of the old Scientology malarkey. Quite how squeaky clean short arse Tom will react to Pete is uncertain but we'd love to be a fly on the wall for that particular meeting of minds. Apparently Pete has bought a pile of books on Scientology after his missus and alleged DJ Nadine Ruddy got him interested.
A source said: "Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously.Pete's chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it. He just wanted to find out more about Nadine and what she believes in."
Quite what beliefs Pete's drug addled mind is getting to grips with is unsure. Maybe it's the Thetan ancestors from another planet or the fact that Tom Cruise reckons that Scientology can clean up even the most desperate of smackhead and put them on the road of righteousness and drug free living. Although the spouting of total bollocks that appears to be the main thrust of the Scientology cause shouldn't be too hard for Pete to master.
Scientologist mothers are encouraged to be silent during childbirth in case it stresses the baby out; they are also not allowed to take drugs during childbirth. Pete is apparently checking to see if that applies for the father as well. We're of course making a wild assumption that Pete's sperm is still swimming after the years of smack, crack and Cif.
We'll wait and see how the Scientology thing goes for Pete. We wrote about his new jogging addiction a while ago and frankly we've yet to see a pasty and sweaty Pete in his PE kit and despite his wild claims at the end of last year can't really see him running the London marathon if recent pics of him at Wino's house are anything to go by.
In unrelated Pete news, a mate of a brother who's cousin is a mini cab driver near Pete has confirmed that he owes his local cabbies two grand in unpaid fares. He apparently still has what was described as 'a monstrous habit'. Maybe head scientology honcho Tom can send Pete a cheque in the post, or even better get on over here and clean up his latest recruit.
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