Enter Cheryl Cole: Simon Cowell The Dog With Two Dicks!
After what seems like a week long search it's finally been revealed that Cheryl Tweedy Cole is set to replace Sharon Osbourne as the new X-factor judge / mentor / panto dame. The move comes after the Queen of Darkness, and most self important person on TV, threw her rattle out of the pram and quit the show after failing to secure a gazzilion pound pay rise for doing whatever she was already being overpaid for.
Chezza will join 'judges '; leprechaun Louis Walsh, the self parody that is Simon Cowell and Dannii Minogue, the not very talented but nonetheless fit sister of Kylie. The geordie Girls Aloud hottie will bag a not to be sniffed at £800,000 in the process, about 10 weeks wages for Cashley and a bargain at the half the price of Sharon's rather obscene demands.
Just when Dannii thought it was safe to come out of her dressing room after the Asda woman's departure, it seems the replacement isn't any fonder of her than her predecessor. Asda woman has publicly backed the Geordie singer to replace her and they're mutual dislike for the botoxed antipodean might have been a influence. She said:
"I think they are asking Cheryl Cole, who I love. It will be interesting and give the show a different look."
That Sharon is true, and a look that will be far more up the street of the average boyfriend forced to watch X-Factor on a Saturday evening. Dannii first rubbed the tough talking Geordie up the wrong way last year after she snubbed Girls Aloud when they appeared on the show and branded them Chavs. She said:
"Those girls, with their punch ups and court appearances, I don't want to get involved".
It's an 'open secret' that Dannii maybe allegedly shares a very special relationship with Simon and she's now literally face stiff competition from a younger, fitter and ever so slightly more successful judge. Not that Mr Cowell is complaining he's been described as a dog with two dicks and X-Factor Judge Louis Walsh added:
"Simon isn't going to know which way to look now he has got Cheryl and Dannii. He will be all over them like a rash." *Beat shudders*
So let the battle commence, no doubt the bickering from the judging panel will overshadow the contestants once again, apart from the numpties at the beginning, Beat likes that bit. Where exactly did Lionel, Leo, Larry, sorry Leon disappear to anyway?
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