Big Brother 9 Gangster Albino As American As Mark Ronson!
Roll up, roll up the summer circus is in town - the Big Brother freak show has arrived. In a manner that hasn't been seen since Queen Victoria ruled our Fair Isle and half of the known world the British public has been invited to chuck rotten fruit and veg at society's freaks. Cue shouty annoying talentless ringmaster Big Mama Davina McCall who is once again subjecting British eardrums to public health worrying decibel levels.
So where shall we start? We'll move past the cage containing the bearded lady and meander past the Siamese twins for now, and just ignore the bloke making strange noises under the sack.
Right here we are in the Big Brother big top. Here's our first exhibit for your delectation and delight, an Albino gangster! Deported from the US for gang crimes and claiming to be 100% British whilst kicking an American football into the crowd. Well if it's good enough for the very British, (apart from the days when he's being American ) Mark Ronson.
Where to next, ah yes, the man that Channel Five rejected for his own hour long special, this year's sympathy vote goes to the cross dressing blind 'comic'. He left his job in a tampon factory to join the Big Brother circus, and who wouldn't?
Over in the far corner next to the candy floss stall is the Thai massage therapist and Thai mail-order bride, Ting Tong Macadangdang look alike, she entered the house in a shocking pink PVC oompa loompa suit and doesn't she look like a big bouncy ball of fun viewers? OK enough of the circus tour….
Next up and for the very first time in BB history we have an actual real life couple has entered the house of shame. They were swiftly given the secret task of convincing the rest of the house that Mario is boyfriend to the vapid and vacuous Girls Aloud reject, the obligatory sex mad blonde.
This won't sit well with his current girlfriend who you'd be forgiven for mistaking for this years token transsexual, well she is more butch than her body building boyfriend. It'll be interesting to watch how the pumped up pair fair, will they slowly deflate along with their relationship as they're cut off from the gym and supply of steroids? Find out in 13 weeks, my god 13 weeks more of pretending we aren't interested and being drawn to Channel 4 likes suicidal moths to a flame.
Early predictions of a love match is between the pop flop and this year's pretty boy who doesn't see the point in talking to ugly people and is a self confessed cool bastard – his words not Beat's and in our experience people that call themselves cool bastards tend just to be bastards and not very cool at all. Just in case people don't hear him when he tells them he has it tattooed on his wrist - the boy really is as deep as a puddle.
The rest of the bunch are your obligatory camp queen, a self righteous bitch, a mentalist and general dregs of society on the desperate quest for fame. It's going to be a long summer boys and girls.
But if you fancy placing a wager or two then check out Bodog's Film / TV Specials, if you get time out in between slitting your wrists that is!
Submit Your Comment