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Could Kaka be on his way to the Bridge? Had the Blues hijacked the Dimitar Berbatov deal from Spurs to United? Was the exciting Andrei Arshavin in London town to sign on the dotted line?

These were the tantalising questions buzzing around outside Stamford Bridge prior to the club calling a surprise press conference late on Wednesday afternoon.

It was standing room only as every journalist within gunning distance crammed into the media room.

Then came the earth shattering news every pizza parlour in Milan just didn´t want to hear.

Skinny Frank Lampard has signed a new five-year contract with Chelsea. He wasn´t going to Inter. Big deal. What fools we were for thinking this was going to be something worth listening to. So …

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Ah, that didn’t take long now, did it? The Premier League season hasn’t yet begun and already the bouts of  verbal warfare are in full swing. After Man Utd boss Alex Ferguson claimed Chelsea’s squad is too old to improve, Chelsea captain John Terry has had a pop back. He reckons United can’t play any better than they did last season. And that they were just a little bit flukey, too.

“I don’t think they’ve got another level to go,” jabbed JT, the man who’s penalty blunder cost Chelsea the Champions League last season, handing the trophy to Utd instead. “They’ve had a lot of players in their team who have the peak of their form in the last two years. …

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As of 7pm Beijing time today, Finland has just two medals at the Olympics. Thirty-seven year old mother of two, Satu Makela-Nummela, won the gold in the women’s trap shooting on Monday (and her country’s 100th gold medal in the history of the games) whilst Henri Hakkinen owns a bronze after the men’s 10m air rifle battle.

However, looking at the recent no-limit shootout in Estonia, should poker ever be made an Olympic event, we can expect Finland to reach their second century of medals in less than hundred years.

In a vision of things to come, Finnish players filled the top three places of Friday’s main event of the Olympic Summer Festival in Tallinn.

So imposing was their presence at the Olympic …

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Beat’s favourite fruit based celebrity has done it again.  Just weeks after a bit of an OD, or bad trip, or competitive dieting feinting Peaches Geldof has gone and got herself hitched.

Peaches married in cream and Max Drummey from indie band Chester French, her rocker boyfriend of four weeks in what looked like a charity shop shirt and H&M sunglsasses. It was a ‘low key affair’ in the romantic setting of the Little White Chapel in Vegas. If the marriage lasts as long as the whirlwind romance then Beat will eat Bob Geldof’s plimsolls.

Unsurprisingly Bob wasn’t at the “low-key ceremony” but according to the obligatory spokesman, “Their marriage has the full support of their family and friends.”

It gets better; he …

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Football fans will get a fascinating insight into the new striking partnership between Robbie Keane and Fernando Torres tonight. Belgian outfit Standard Liege host Liverpool as the Merseysiders look to come through this tricky looking Champions League qualifier.

Liege have just won their first league title for 25 years so they can´t be a bunch of mugs but if Keane and Torres click it will be a tough night for them.

Keane inherits the famous No7 shirt as worn by Anfield greats like Kevin Keegan and Kenny Dalglish and if he successfully bonds with Torres he will inject hope into the hearts of the Liverpool faithful that they can finally bring a Premiership title to the club.

Ironically Keane almost joined Liverpool as …

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Wouldn’t it be lovely to be the manager of Man Utd, even for just one day? Cristiano Ronaldo’s injured, leaving Utd a bit short of goals  - so Fergie goes shopping and comes back with Dimitar Berbatov. At a ever-so-small fee of almost £30m. See? No bargain-basement scratting around for the manager of the world’s biggest club. Just go right to the top and sign one of the best striker in the Premier League! Easy, eh?

That’s if this morning’s papers aren’t telling dirty great fibs, of course. The Berbatov to Old Trafford link is nothing new – it first surfaced a year ago and has been bubbling under all summer – but Spurs fans probably though they’d warded off the …

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