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Robbie Keane has left Tottenham to join Liverpool in the biggest deal of the summer so far, signing for £20.3 million. But that, it seems, is only part of the story. For Spurs have kicked off massively at the way Liverpool conducted their business, and Keane leaves White Hart Lane with his ears stinging from a stern rebuke by Tottenham chairman Daniel Levy.

Levy has made it clear that his club had no choice but to let Keane go, with the player handing in a transfer request upon hearing of Liverpool’s interest. And Levy has effectively accused the Reds of ‘tapping up’ the Republic of Ireland striker.

“I was incredibly disappointed when I first heard, not only that Liverpool had been working …

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"Email circumcision, how does that work?" Asked my very perturbed other half the other day.

Channel 4 were advertising a forthcoming documentary. I look up puzzled from my laptop as I was checking out the stats on Stoke City´s latest signing.

"You what? Email circumcision?"

Blimey, I pondered to myself. This virtual reality business has got totally out of hand. "You must have to take a snap of your old man and email it off to them. Then they send it back with a trim?" It´s amazing what some people will do to earn a few quid these days I muttered to myself.

"Eh, what are you talking about?" Quizzed a confused looking missus.

"I said female circumcision you idiot?"

Back to Stoke´s latest …

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