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Ah celebrities and babies, they’re popping up everywhere, like mushrooms after a day’s rain.

But what can we say about those virile Tinseltown fungi spermatozoans huh? They’re going great guns, what with Ashlee Simpson up stick and the longest gestation on the planet since the elephant courtesy of Brangelina.

But the real currency has to be the baby pic and the trade that is pimping out your kids before they can even talk. Oh yes the domain that was seriously sent stratospheric because of J-Lo and her twins (no, not butt cheek one and butt cheek two).

But as fascinating as this is we did actually have a point to make. What happens to the ugly ones? Apart from nil point …

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Do you ever become irritated playing a NL cash game when a big stack makes a raise that puts you all-in?

You are seated a table with a max $200 buy-in. You’ve played for an hour and you have made steady progress, amassing a respectable $320. You have landed AK and the flop has hit the ace. You bet the pot, let’s say it is 40. A guy behind you, who flat called pre-flop, pushes you all-in. It’s a tough call.

You have TP, TK, but you have only committed say, $60, and would still be ahead for the session, by an amount that is acceptable for an hour’s play.

It is annoying, isn’t? It is the type of moment that …

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If footy clubs were supermodels then we reckon that Manchester United would be the fiery, unpredictable and deadly kind - a bit like that stroppy mare Naomi Campbell. And Chelsea FC would consider itself to be a bit exotic, sultry and always well sought after in celebrity circles, say a bit like Gisele Bundchen.

This could have more to do with ownership and managerial status than anything else but who knows. In any case Chelsea FC are totally rating their sex appeal and are having a makeover. No Roman Abramovich hasn’t gone mad and started taking lessons in looks from hottie girlfriend Dasha. He’s just gone and signed the Chelsea FC brand to Creative Artists Agency in the States to make …

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"Heads, shoulders, knees and toes… La la la…Heads, shoulders, knees and toes."

Ah there’s nothing like a good old fashioned sing song, ask Amy Winehouse she should know. Shit must be hitting the fan in truck loads now as the desperate crooner was caught on cam by cheating lowlife scum-bag hubby Blake Fielder-Civil when footage from their 2007 honeymoon bender came to light.

An innocent sing song to the kids nursery rhyme turned into something totally racist when potty-mouth Wino substituted words like "Blacks, Pakis, Gooks and Nips, Gooks and Nips! And deaf and dumb and blind and gay!"

She stretched her eyes into slits and pushed her breasts together - classy bird our Amy. But Amy is rapidly descending into Britney train wreck …

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Nympho girls gagging for it, Dirty Betty older and bolder, How long can you last? Who writes those phone sex adverts? Who records them? Who rings them?

Calls cost 1.50 a minute. That´s 90 quid an hour. We are all in the wrong line of work. But the betting industry has its own equivalent. Buy a Racing Post and have a look at the adverts.

"Legendary punter Billy Bunter lines up his five pronged assault on this week´s Royal Ascot meeting - six winners in the past fortnight."

What Billy fails to mention is that he´s given out 265 tips in the past fortnight, all of them 6/4 or less and you´ve paid 1.50 a minute for the privilege. That´s dirtier …

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