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Roll up, roll up the summer circus is in town - the Big Brother freak show has arrived. In a manner that hasn’t been seen since Queen Victoria ruled our Fair Isle and half of the known world the British public has been invited to chuck rotten fruit and veg at society’s freaks. Cue shouty annoying talentless ringmaster Big Mama Davina McCall who is once again subjecting British eardrums to public health worrying decibel levels.

So where shall we start? We’ll move past the cage containing the bearded lady and meander past the Siamese twins for now, and just ignore the bloke making strange noises under the sack.

Right here we are in the Big Brother big top. Here’s our first exhibit …

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Can Lewis Hamilton repeat his Monaco Grand Prix performance in Montreal this weekend? Why not, I mean let’s face it there’s not alot that this boy can do wrong at the moment. For God’s sake he drove round Monte Carlo circuit with a slow puncture for the latter part of the race - how rock and bloody roll is that!

He’s got a three point lead over world champ Kimi Raikkonen (whose not had a good few outings of late) and will be hoping to widen that gap at the Circuit Gilles-Villeneuve on Sunday.

Lew’s arch rival Fernando Alonso is feeling sick as a dog though and might possibly have conceded that he doesn’t stand a cat in hell’s of winning …

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Watermelons going for 3,000 quid, Real Madrid offering Cristiano Ronaldo 300k a week, it´s a crazy, overpriced age we live in but nothing tops the criminal odds that the bookies are quoting for Germany to win Euro 2008. Do the camel coats know something we don´t? Is Euro 2008 going to degenerate into a Eurovision-style sham where the winner has already been decided?

Nah. Us punters can´t go thinking like that or we´d never have another bet again, would we? So let´s remind ourselves of some inescapable facts.

This is a team was thrashed 3-0 at home to the Czech Republic (eventually finished below them during qualification). This is a side that could only muster a draw with John Toshack´s inept Wales. …

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With their first match of Euro 2008 just days away, France are all a-flutter after two of their star players were forced to sit out a training session. Now, if you’re a Frenchman, have a think about the two players you would hate to be without for Monday’s match against Romania. Chances are you’ve come up with Thierry Henry and Franck Ribery and, yep, you’ve guessed it - it’s these two who are suffering injuries.

Henry’s been struggling with a back problem for months now, and the news is that he’s been having treatment on a sciatic nerve problem, while Ribery’s carrying a knock on his right ankle. France reckon both players will be fit to play Romania, and they’ll need …

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Omigod. It really looks like it’s going to happen. Ronaldinho really might be moving from Barcelona to Man City this summer. Crazier things may well have happened in the transfer market – but if they have, we can’t remember any. This is mental!

But don’t take our word for it – listen to Man City midfielder Elano, who clearly can’t quite believe his Brazilian buddy is on the verge of moving to the rainy north west.

“This is not a common transfer,” said Elano, a master of the understatement. “To move from Barcelona to Manchester City is not something that is considered usual, but I know it would be good for him.”

City, good for Ronaldinho? Why that might be the case isn’t …

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As if the Osbournes couldn’t make a bit more cash! What with Sharon demanding more money all the time for her role as judge on X-Factor, now jittery hubby Ozzy seems to have learned a bit of business savvy from his missus. But we better be careful what we say here now because the bat-biting rocker might take us to the cleaners like he did the Daily Star newspaper.

But then again we’re not likely to say that Ozzy was responsible for turning the Brit Awards into “Ozzy’s Freak Show.” Ozzy promptly sued and has won "substantial" damages. 59 year-old Oz and wifey Shazza were hosting the awards in characteristic style back in February. But the tabloid claimed that the …

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