Headlines

You remember the old story of the Emperor’s New Clothes, right? The one where the emperor is walking around butt naked, thinking he’s wearing the best suit money can buy, and no-one has the guts to tell him the obvious truth?

Well, I might have rambled a bit off course somewhat, but that’s what sprung to mind as soon as I heard Kevin Keegan’s thoughts on the state of the Premier League earlier today. It may send ‘shockwaves’ around the world of football, but what the Newcastle gaffer said is totally spot-on. It’s the great unspoken truth, but it’s what we’ve all been thinking for the past few years.

“This league is in danger of becoming one of the most boring but …

continue reading

We are all rather lethargic here at the Bodog Beat Towers in sunny London, the Bank holiday was splendid we ate and became far merrier than our little heads can take. What with the combined effects of the hot weather and the back to work syndrome means that we are taking liberties with our internet usage.

It’s not what you think; it’s not the usual porn college dormitory girls getting it on with each other. Even ebay has taken a tumble in our estimation - with our energy levels on the slide nothing so strenuous is possible and teenage horny sluts as alluring as they maybe wouldn’t do our circulation any good. So we came across some pseudo-intellectual stuff - …

continue reading

The conspiracy theories have already started. Man United can win the Premier League title on Sunday afternoon if they beat Wigan, a team managed by Steve Bruce. Yep, that’s right – the Steve Bruce who not only used to play for United but also captained them for several years and was pretty much Alex Ferguson’s on-pitch leader in that time.

A tanked-up punter in my local summed up the situation neatly yesterday. “There’s no way,” he spluttered, raising his pint glass and standing in front of the large-screen TV showing the Newcastle-Chelsea match, blocking everyone’s view, “that old Stevie Bruce is gonna let United lose the title. No way! No way! There’s no point even watching this game!”

Now, clearly hammered though …

continue reading

Blake ‘Incarcerated’ Fielder-Civil has been plotting to take his crack head wife Amy Winehouse to the cleaners and we’re not talking about giving her a long overdue wash and brush-up unfortunately.

After revelations of Wino’s infidelity Blake has vowed to rinse the star in the divorce courts and wants a £3 million payout to get rid of him. Seems like money well spent if you ask me. That would give him £250,000 for each month he was married, making him a major contender for the ‘gold digger’ of the year title.

Although citing infidelity might just fire on his junkie ass as it seems Blakey hasn’t been the loyal devoted husband himself.  No, he’s not been playing bitch for the prison …

continue reading

He looked an unlikely hero when he pitched up at Fulham, Roy Hodgson. Decent coach and all that, but with a CV that wasn’t exactly bursting with Premier League experience – other than a poor stint at Blackburn Rovers a few years back – hopes weren’t high that Roy (or Woy) could make anything special happen. They’re down, we all thought. And so it seemed.

But miracles can happen, even at crumbly old Craven Cottage. And after three wins in their last four matches, Fulham now stand on the brink of pulling off Mission Impossible – instead of a slightly shambolic, rather confused old gent who cannot pronounce his Rs properly (how could he have succeeded at Rovers if he kept …

continue reading

Welcome to the second week of Poker Unclogged, our new column that brings you obscure facts and features about the game that drives us wild.

We start with a children’s joke:

Q: Why did the bumblebees go on strike?

A: Because they wanted shorter flowers and more honey.

During the California Gold Rush of the mid-nineteenth century, there were those who wanted their share of the pot. They didn’t want the long hours and the dirty hands that were consequences of panning. Some say they were concerned about environmental damage, others argue they were bone idle.

Whatever.

These individuals soon found themselves in San Francisco’s saloons. We are sure any student of human behaviour will be stunned to learn that these places of ill repute, …

continue reading

It’s official hormonal teenagers and middle aged housewives the world over are in mourning. Thinking woman’s crumpet Ryan Reynolds star of Blade Trinity has announced his engagement to Hollywood hottie Scarlett Johansson. The couple have been dating for a year and have finally decided to wed.

Forget the housewives we say (although we do remember that totally ripped torso in Blade Trinity and thought bloody b*****d!) but fair play those washboard abs have wooed the curviest woman in Hollywood. 23 year-old Scarlett (pictured here al la Dreamworks) has dated lots of Hollywood hunks including Josh Hartnett, Justin Timberlake and Jared Leto.

Johansson’s publicist Marcel Pariseau confirmed that she is going for it with the 31 year-old Canadian actor who was once …

continue reading

Much of the talk at Arsenal this season has been about the side that Arsene Wenger is building for the future.

"Hasn´t he done well with such a young side"… "just wait until next season…" blah, blah, blah, blah. Well if everything at the Emirates is so rosy and geared to a golden future how can we interpret the departure of two of their outstanding midfielders?

Matthew Flamini has jumped ship to AC Milan despite being offered a five year contract and it´s now odds-on that Alexander Hleb will join Inter.

And Cesc Fabregas is rumoured to be the target of a GBP 30 million (plus players) move to Barcelona. If true that makes a mockery of any claims that this …

continue reading

For a tournament that climaxes at a place called Wankhede stadium this Indian Premier League has been anything but a load of old toss. Sixes and bouncers galore, punch-ups, thrilling run chases, the IPL has made for some outstanding viewing since it got underway in mid April.

Pick of the action on the field thus far for me has been the performances of three Aussie batsmen. In a game where an innings lasts no more than 120 balls the sight of Adam Gilchrist, Michael Hussey and Andrew Symonds notching 100s has been nothing short of sensational.

The tournament has had plenty of controversy as well with Harbhajan Singh handed an 11-match ban by the Indian Premier League for slapping fellow India star …

continue reading