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It had to be Paul Scholes, really. Think about it for a second: this is the man who had to sit and watch the last Champions League final Manchester United were in. Suited not booted. Stuck in the stands (or rather the posh seats near the dugout) because of suspension, Scholes wore his best smile after United beat Bayern Munich and joined in the celebrations, but there must have been a hollow feeling gnawing away at him. The biggest night of his professional career, and he was merely a spectator.

Scholes has waited nine years for another crack at the Champions League. Unlike Roy Keane, who was also suspended for that final at the Nou Camp in 1999, at least he …

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What a palaver, sport isn’t about sport anymore it’s about the cavorting private lives of the great and the good. We brought Ronaldo’s side-splitting antics with transvestites to your attention, but now there’s the head of world motorsport Max Mosley gallivanting in a Nazi-sex orgy. He’s tried to get a film showing him and several ladies of the night re-enacting a Nazi concentration camp scene, banned in France but they said they don’t have jurisdiction over Britain.

Mosley has launched a claim against the News of the World who he says have illegally invaded his privacy by getting their mitts on this juicy material, yet he still denies the Nazi angle. Mosley is getting frozen out by all and sundry …

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Rafa Benitez is getting his excuses in early ahead of tonight’s Champions League semi-final against Chelsea.

“It is amazing how easily Drogba goes down for someone so massive,” chuntered the ever-grumpy Liverpool boss, who still stubbornly refuses to shave off that ridiculous goatee beard. “When we play Chelsea it always happens.”

That’s red-tinted specs of the highest order. For starters, Benitez is completely missing the main point of the first leg – that his defender, Jamie Carragher, found Drogba all but unplayable at Anfield. Carra copped a booking in that match and was lucky not to give a penalty away for dragging the big man down. As it is, the Liverpool man goes into this crucial return match at Stamford Bridge fully …

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Are our eyes deceiving us? Is Britney Spears getting her s**t together? She’s been out of the headlines, no crazy antics from the nutter that we know and love! So what gives Brit? Apparently it is what is known as a comeback attempt.

The singer has been seen hitting the gym on a regular basis and she surprised fellow gym-goers by walking around in nothing but a towel. It’s actually not as bad (not so much as lady garden flashing) as all that Britney had a grueling work out (trying to coax some abs from under the muffin-top) and had gone to have a shower, but having decide that she needed a bottle of water, just popped back in her towel.

Britney …

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What’s big and yellow, and talks with a squeaky voice? No, it’s not David Beckham it’s his new pal Big Bird from Sesame Street. But you may be forgiven for the confusion as the two puppets have tonnes in common. Becks has finally realised that life at LA Galaxy isn’t what he thought it would be and we can only assume that he would like to plunge a metaphorical axe in Posh’s head for encouraging him to waste the best of his footballing years in pursuit of life in La-La Land.

Becks may be on a winner with the whole kids’ sports academy thing, and getting God Squad lover Tom Cruise in on the act is no bad thing (except when …

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Forget about scoring goals. Scoring women, lines (allegedly in some cases) and headlines is more apt. What with your Ashley Coles and your Cristiano Ronaldos dipping their wicks in rather unsavoury pots and causing tabloid sensations. Well move over boys because there’s a new maestro in town, so long as it’s Rio De Janeiro town home of Brazil’s greatest footballing export since Pele, none other than Ronaldo.

He is probably rueing the night (Sunday) when he confused a transvestite for a female prostitute. When he finally sussed out that meat and two veg isn’t his thing, he tried to do the dishonourable thing and pay her / him hush money. Needless to say it all got a bit - …

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