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Once the curtain came down on the Brits, the partying and debauchery went into overdrive! Who led way?? Well our favorite caner Miss ‘Off the Wagon’ Winebox of course.

During her two day Brit bender, Wino managed to cause £3000 worth of damaged to the once luxurious hotel room she’s being staying in since her rehab release. Along with the usual booze spillages and fag burns, she also blocked the bath with her ratty beehive extensions and black hair dye, but most of the damage was caused from having to scrape her dirty knickers from the wooden floor. Hotel staff were also said to be bemused as to why a full length mirror had been removed from the wall and placed …

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Poker has many advantages over athletics: If players are competing in a national event they are not obliged to wear streamlined underwear, hum their country’s anthem or have embarrassing cock-ups dissected by a savage media. Moreover, drugs tend to be performance reducing: Any chemical enhancement usually happens after the event for those euphoric male players who need to celebrate victory with a capital V.

So it is in a state of unalloyed bliss that Bodog brings news of the Olympic Hold ‘em Series 2008, which is currently taking place at the Olympic Casino, Vilnius, Lithuania. At 6pm today some of the game’s finest competitors, whose training rituals we can only guess at, will sit down and try to outperform their rivals …

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Call us psychic, call us perceptive or just call us downright on the ball. Remember Lewis Hamilton’s racial abuse incident in Barcelona and how keen we were to get word from his nemesis? Yes, we rather hoped the fiery Spaniard and ex team mate Fernando Alonso would add his tuppenny bit to the debate.

Well knock us down with a feather because no sooner had we articulated our desire to hear from the tantrum-meister of F1, than he gives us a few gems. What we really want to know is did it come from the heart or was he grinding his teeth in anger- mind you watching smarmy old Lewis gushing about watching the Laureus Awards then winning ‘Breakthrough of the …

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Spurs keeper Paul ’Steak & Kidney’ Robinson’s Wembley starting place is now in serious jeopardy after boss Juande Ramos clinched the signature of American Eric Scott Esch in the lead up to Sunday’s Carling Cup showdown with Chelsea.

Esch, better known to you and I as 30-stone American wrestler, Butterbean, is also guaranteed to provide Robinson with formidable competition for pole position in the White Hart Lane canteen queue.

“ It’s one way of getting that fat lad from Yorkshire and the rest of the squad to lose some bloody weight,“  said a Spurs insider. “Because there’ll be nothing left to eat if Butterbean gets in first.“

Manager Ramos is of course well known for …

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You would think that the rest of the football world would give British fans a break. It seems that the ‘ hooligan’ tag still won’t go away especially if the recent treatment of Bolton Wanderers fans is anything to go by. Was this proactive policing or just a chance to kick British nuts? Maybe a bit of both…

Things got out of hand at the Uefa Cup tie against Atletico Madrid in Spain and an official complaint has been made about police handling of fans. The Club’s officials contacted Uefa after the 0-0 draw saying that treatment had been "overzealous and disproportionate."

The Club complained of, "a number of assaults and unprovoked baton charges," and around 17 fans were injured. British Police …

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Paul Gascoigne is currently on suicide watch after Northumbrian Police had him sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Details as to what had happened were a bit sketchy yesterday, but today the full details of a complete meltdown have been revealed.

Once regarded as the greatest talent in English football Gazza pretty much pissed his career and talent up the wall after joining the spiv Very Tenebles at Spurs in the late eighties, one can only wonder what would have happened if Fergie had got his man.

In the latest sad twist in his life, 40 year-old Paul is currently being monitored after what appears to be a two month cocaine and whisky binge, locked in his room at the Malmaison Hotel …

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Will Kevin Keegan get a win on Saturday? (AP Images)

We all know Kevin Keegan is desperate to secure his first win for Newcastle since returning to St James’s Park but handing out free laser pens to the home fans outside the ground may be taking it a bit too far.

"I’ll love it, just love it, if we get that Ronaldo right on the conker (the one on his face)," King Kev was alleged to have said at training yesterday. Mind you, if the Geordie fans have an aim like Michael Owen, Ronaldo needn’t worry.

I can’t understand all this hullabaloo about poxy laser pens anyway. I never really focused during physics lessons at school but I know that …

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