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The FA Cup fifth round is over and you would think the wheat has been sorted from the chaff. (iStockphoto)

Think again because after the weekend’s antics between Liverpool and Barnsley there must certainly be some wind in those minnow sails. It’s like the plot of a Pixar movie, all the little leaguers getting excited at the thought of bringing down the big boys on their home turf.

Maybe, maybe not but there is still probably going to be a Manchester United v Chelsea showdown! Sorry to rain on the parade, but isn’t that always how it goes? Barnsley will play host to Chelsea up north and for the first time in eons the Blues will have to get their hands …

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Frenchman Roger Hairabedian wins Paris Open of Poker. (iStockphoto)

Ironically for a tournament taking place at the Aviation Club De France, few players flew to the Paris Open of Poker. It could be that poker pros are concerned about their carbon footprint or maybe it’s just a sign of the explosion of big money tournaments – either way, the final table of the €2,000 buy in event saw just two Swiss players trying to bankrupt the French.

Chief trader of the stack exchange system was poker pro Roger Hairabedian, whose Gallic flair for Texas Hold ‘Em vanquished 124 opponents and boosted his bank balance by €74,000 at yesterday’s showdown. It is not known if he is interested in working for Societe Generale, …

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Britney Spears is still being her ‘kooky’ self since her exit from the Loony bin. (AP Images)

Since her release from the mad house things have been pretty quiet in bipolar Britneyland. Well, apart from the obligatory public parental rows, on-going custody battle and dressing like a hooker but that’s all in a days work for Miss Spears.

It didn’t take too long for the Klepto queen to get up to her old tricks. At the weekend she was caught half inching a top from designer store Fred Segal. The sticky fingered star looked dazed before “forgetting” to pay for the top, despite having a 25 person entourage none of whom were able to point her in the direction of the till. …

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Ex sports journo wins Walsall GUKPT.(Bodog Beat Image)

Jeff Kimber, a former sports journalist from Newcastle, is now £83,910 richer after winning the 2nd leg of the GUKPT yesterday. The full time pro also collects a seat in the tour’s Grand Final (equivalent to £3,000) and an iPod nano.

The final day had begun as a very evenly matched affair with less than 300k separating chip leader Kimber from Craig Metcalfe in 9th place. However, the hand that precipitated Jeff’s eventual economic dominance was not far away. Aaron Barry, first to act, went all in for 120k on the sub-prime holding of K8. Jeff’s pocket queens demanded that he call but the most significant decision was supplied by another player.

Dharminder ‘D’ Buttar, …

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Andy Murray has made it back into the top 10 rankings. (AP Images)

Britain’s biggest hope of recent years, 20 year-old Scot, Andy Murray was victorious at the Open 13 in Marseille on Sunday. He beat Mario Ancic 6-3 6-4, and adds this title to the victory at the Qatar Open last month. He has also qualified for the ABN AMRO Tournament in Rotterdam this week.

No 2 Spaniard Rafael Nadal is taking up play later on today at the tournament in the Netherlands, but as yet Murray’s date of play isn’t set. He will however be pitching against Dutchman Robin Haase this week. Russia’s Nikolay Davydenko is another name to watch out for.

Murray courted controversy recently when he pulled out of …

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Will Rafa Benitez get egg on his face next week as Liverpool take on Inter? (AP Images)

"Calm Down lads, Calm Down.” Liverpool gaffer Rafa "Harry Enfield" Benitez was seen placating a moody mob of Reds fans in the Anfield car park after Saturday´s humiliating FA Cup defeat to Barnsley.

If Rafa´s team doesn´t get anything on Tuesday night against Inter Milan he will be slipping out of the Anfield back door wearing a curly wig and a moustache.

It´s the manager´s last chance to keep the club´s hopes of winning a trophy alive this season but right now I think they´d be better off with Sinbad and Jimmy Corkhill in charge.

It won´t come as much consolation to …

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You’ve gone and done it now Howard Wilkinson! (AP Images)

Just when you thought that the England team couldn’t disappoint us any more if they tried, Howard Wilkinson sticks the boot in and says that we simply don’t have a big enough player base to succeed in internationals. So I guess that’s another 20-30 years of hurt then.

Harping on about 1966 really doesn’t help us much. The fact is, England have consistently underperformed in major competitions for years now. Maybe it’s not even underperforming. Maybe we were just never that good in the first place.

England have more clubs in the last 16 of the Champions League than any other country, with Arsenal, Manchester United, Chelsea and Liverpool all still in contention. …

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Arsene Wenger doesn’t want his players to be teased. Ahhh diddums. (AP Images)

"It is difficult enough to swallow when you are three or four goals down - you do not want to be teased or humiliated," the snail munching descendent of Jean Paul Sartre carped after Nani´s ball-juggling during Arsenal’s 4-0 Old Trafford tonking.

The French woofter seems to forget all those times Thierry Henry raced past opposing fans with the famous hushed finger-to-the-lips pose after he had just stuck another one in the back of the onion bag. Nothing wrong with that was there Arsene?

Personally, I have derived a possibly unhealthy amount of pleasure over the years watching the angry, contorted, blood vessel-busting faces of fans wound up …

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Heather Mills would like to meet … (AP Images)

…A mentalist that has spent the past two years in a cave and who has no idea who I am.

Britain’s favourite gold-digging vegetarian and soon to be divorcee has spelt out exactly what she is looking for in her next man. Quite how she expects to snag any bloke that has half a brain is beyond us but Heather Mills is on the hunt before the ink has dried on her divorce papers.

 We guess she’s hedging her bets as to the size of her settlement. If it was the Right Honourable Justice Beat presiding she’d be lucky to leave with a pocketful of change and packet of Cheese and Onion crisps (made …

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