Headlines

Diego Maradona’s ‘Hand of God’ or Pinocchio’s ‘Nose of Fibs’? (AP Images)

What the heck is Diego Maradona on? Actually don’t answer that because it has been well documented that he allegedly had a relationship with the Columbian Marching Powder. But he’s now totally lost the plot and can’t even remember what he says from one minute to the next, or does he?

Last week he was telling the world how sorry he was for the ‘hand of God’ incident which cost England dearly in the 1986 World Cup quarter finals. But now, the fat boy of football is retracting and having a dig at The Sun newspaper. He said:

"They changed my words in the story. I’m going to talk with …

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Newcastle relieved to have Micahel Owen back in the land of the living! ( AP Images)

When Kevin Keegan was recently unveiled as Newcastle’s manager, there was so much excitement on Tyneside that you would’ve been forgiven for thinking that they’d just witnessed The Second Coming. Perhaps predictably, the furore has subsided somewhat, mostly because since taking over, Keegan hasn’t been able to buy a result (or a goal for that matter).

So seeing Michael Owen score against Middlesbrough must have been quite a relief. Say what you like about Michael Owen, but when fit and on form, there are few strikers with a better conversion rate.

He doesn’t have the all-round game of other top strikers, but he scores goals. He can …

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Fulham’s Jimmy Bullard back on form! (AP Images)

There’s a popular and well-worn phrase which has become an established member of football lexicon: ‘it’s like having a new signing’ is usually applied when an important player returns from injury.

Well, that’s how Fulham boss Roy Hodgson will be feeling today as he reflects on his first win as Fulham manager. Forget Brede Hangeland, or Erik Nevland, or Jari Litmanen, three of his transfer window recruits. It’s Jimmy Bullard, back from long-term injury, who will be Fulham’s key player as the Londoners seek to avoid relegation from the Premier League.

Bullard is a bubbly figure off the pitch and a bundle of fizzing energy on it, and Fulham were delighted when they signed him …

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Before becoming a global, one man ass-kicking machine in the Bourne movies, Matt Damon starred as a young legal student with a superhuman gift for poker and a sideline in irritating smirks. The film was Rounders and it has a key scene. Damon takes his teeth for a chin-wag with his legal mentor, played by Martin Landau, who solemnly issues the line:

‘We can’t run from who we are. Our destiny chooses us.’

From that point on, the audience knows Matt has a solid future as a card player and that his lapels will remain free of dust.

In an occurrence that must cause us to gasp, ‘Hollywood execs - is there anything they don’t know?’ on Saturday night Mike …

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Oh what a carry on, Brangelina have buns in the oven! (AP Images)

Here we go again, another whinge about how these celebs just don’t keep us, Joe Bloggs in the loop when it comes to buns in the oven. The latest victim is everybody’s favourite blood-drinking vamp come serial adopter, Angelina Jolie.

Okay, so she hasn’t actually said she’s preggers but they never do. Except there’s someone quite close to Camp Brangelina who is spouting off about how the Tomb Raider is having not one but two or maybe three sproggs. Talk about doing a J-Lo (incidentally multiple births are a side product of IVF but we’re not suggesting jiggery- pokery in either case! Just saying that’s all!)

Here’s what the Judas …

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Patriots Tom Brady gets grilling from coach Bill Belichick at Super Bowl XLII (AP Images)

There’s cocking up and there’s cocking up in style. And it looks like the New England Patriots did exactly that at the weekend. The underdogs New York Giants pasted them good and proper and denied them of a perfect season and their fourth Super Bowl.

Golden Balls Patriots quarterback and football sweetheart Tom Brady must be feeling gutted at the 17-14 result, and despite completing 29 out of 48 passing attempts for 266 yards and a touchdown, he couldn’t pull it out of the bag. The Patriots dominated most of the game and the Giants were trailing 7-3 going into the last quarter, so this should have …

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St Helens fans have high hopes for the forthcoming Super League season, and no wonder. An already strong squad will be strengthened even further once Paul Sculthorpe, one of the genuine rugby league legends, make his long awaited return from an Achilles injury.

Sculthorpe – dubbed Scully by Saints fans – is expected back for the first league game of the season against Hull KR on February 9. It could be the start of a huge year for Sculthorpe, who celebrates ten years at St Helens with a testimonial, and who has put himself in the risky position of only having one year left on his current contract.

That, in a way, spells bad news for his opponents. It means he’ll be …

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Jonny Wilkinson’s worst pass ever! (AP Images)

Is it any wonder the Welsh hate the English?

"The Taffs didn´t win it, we threw it away", is the arrogant consensus of opinion up and down the kingdom of St George this week.

The Boyos from the Valleys have been afforded scant credit for staging an amazing second half comeback in Saturday´s Twickenham thriller.

Instead it was all talk of the worst pass of Jonny Wilkinson´s career. Come off it. Why should we be surprised when a guy who´s only attribute is as a kicker sprays a pass?

If you want to see a proper fly-half check out James Hook´s Twickenham performance.

Saucy sidesteps, solid kicking out of hand and …

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